I have an obsessive personality. I will get hooked on something like it’s an actual addiction.
There have been times when I binge-watched a television show and then watched bloopers, found full cast interviews, and followed every single cast member on social media.
There have been times when I bought of a certain type of candy and ate it nonstop for months until I grew sick of them and couldn’t stand the taste any longer.
There have been times when the only thing I wanted to spend my weekends doing was partying and times when I decided to go on a health kick and exercised every single morning without fail.
I cannot like anything only a little. I can not do anything halfway. I have strong feelings and even stronger opinions.
That is why I keep getting my heart broken in halves.
As soon as someone makes a home in my mind, I have no way of kicking them out. It doesn’t matter if I discover my crush is interested in somebody else, or if they flat-out reject me to my face, because I will still want them. Nothing will turn me away from them.
I will look through their social media. I will write about them. I will daydream about them. I will come up with ways to impress them. They will be the only thing on my mind. I won’t be able to distract myself, because they will be the only thing I care about in the moment.
I will become addicted to the thought of them. The only thing that will make me happy is a text from their number. The only thing that will get me out of bed is the thought of seeing them that day. They will become the reason my heart beats.
I have an obsessive personality and it sucks, because I cannot get to know someone without immediately growing attached. I cannot kiss someone without becoming addicted to their lips. I cannot take things slow or one step at a time.
I either love a song or I hate a song. I am either crazy in love with you or could not care less about you. I don’t know how to find middle ground. I have never been able to land in between.
When there is something I want, it is the only thing I can think about for months, maybe even years at a time. I can’t help it. It’s the way my brain has always worked. I don’t know how to turn it off. It happens on it’s own. One day I am crazy about X and the next it fades into the background.
I hate how obsessive I can become, but I have to learn to live with it. I have to learn how to take control of my emotions, because it is unhealthy to hop from one extreme to the other. It is unhealthy to assume there is only one person (or one song or one snack) that can bring me happiness. I have to be open to more possibilities. I have to give more people a chance.
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