second chanceUnsplash / Ryan Jacobson

I gave you a second chance. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I accepted your apologies and decided to move forward with you because I couldn’t imagine a world where I lived without you.

Even though you messed up, even though I could have easily walked away without any feelings of guilt, I cared about you enough to give you one more shot — and what did that get me?

Hurt. Lost. Broken inside.

I feel like an idiot for trusting you when you had already showed your true colors. I let myself believe you learned your lesson and would not risk losing me after coming so close to saying goodbye. I thought you would get your shit together if you loved me enough.

I was wrong.

Unsurprisingly, history repeated itself and I cannot even blame you, because it’s my fault. It’s my fault for believing there was even a slim chance you were going to change. It’s my fault for letting my heart take control of my actions when my head should have been in charge.

The first time you screwed up, I should have packed my bags instead of listening to your excuses, instead of believing it when you said sorry and it will never happen again. I should have realized you were only saying what I wanted to hear. I should have known you didn’t regret what you did to me, you only regretted that I got mad about it

I was stupid enough to give you a second chance — but I am not stupid enough to give you a third.

I am cutting you out of my world. I am erasing your number from my phone and your name from my mind. You are never going to see me again and you do not have the right to complain about my decision because you had a chance to set things right and you ruined it.

You probably will still complain though. You will probably ask for me back.

At this point, I don’t care if I have hurt you because you did the same to me. You made me doubt myself. You brought tears to my eyes. You fucked with a strong girl until she wondered whether she was weaker than she thought.

You can beg for me to stay or you can call me a bitch for leaving. You can utter a million apologies or try to guilt trip me into staying, but you are not going to change my mind. I am not going to make the same mistake twice.

I am nice, but I am not a complete idiot. I am not going to put myself through hell once again when I can already picture the end result. If I give you another chance, you will hurt me again. If I give you another chance, you will make me regret it again.

I am walking away this time and nothing you say can convince me otherwise, because I should have done it the first time. I should have saved myself the pain. TC mark

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